Here it comes, get your wallets out. Commercialized romance is barreling down on us. You guessed it, another holiday that I dislike, Valentine’s Day. Americans are expected to spend $17.6 billion dollars on Valentine’s gifts this year. That’s billion not million, which is disturbing all things considered.

I am not advocating for men on this particular “holiday”, but if anyone could use some sympathy it would be them. This day strikes fear and dread in men. They will possibly be damned if they do and definitely damned if they don’t. They feel duty-bound by society to buy tons of overpriced flowers, candy, and jewelry for their mates. Now, if you are not one of these men just chill.

Thank goodness I am not a man. Valentine’s Day would drive me nuts.  I’m betting if I go to the grocery store on the 14th, I’ll see several men appearing physically drained headed toward the checkout with some $70 roses and a card from the leftover pile that no one wanted. Yeah, they forgot and their co-workers reminded them that it would not be in their best interest to walk in the door at home empty-handed. In most cases the co-workers are probably right.

Years ago,  after feeling that yet another holiday would have me jumping through hoops I decided Valentine’s Day was too much work and I stopped caring about it. Now, some will say that I am cold-hearted and bitter to which I would say, okay. I am who I am and if commercials and people are insinuating that I need to receive gifts on the 14th of February to be like everyone else I think I’m going to have a problem with that.

When I worked in an office the professions of love and receiving the overpriced flowers was crazy. If you were caught up in making it happen, don’t feel embarrassed; I used to be one of the women applying the subtle pressure for flowers and gifts earlier in my youth (20s and early 30s). Look, I couldn’t take the chance that I wouldn’t get anything and risk being whispered about by the lovely people around me. I had to stop and think about the significance of this day in my life. I asked myself if receiving flowers and jewelry on February 14th proves anything? It proves at least one thing—no amount of flowers and gifts will stop your “friends” and co-workers from judging you or your relationship. Think it’s still worth it, if so, why? Didn’t we just have a holiday full of gift giving?

The difficulty for some women, myself included, is we don’t really trust men to remember important things or be able to pick the right gift for us and that is where things get sticky. The dropping of hints and the anxiety of wondering if they are being picked up. Walking the fine line of rationalizing staying mum about what you want because if you say it you feel the essence of the day has lost all meaning. Thinking, “why doesn’t he know all of this?” Self-induced stress anyone?

Confession—I’m pretty tough to please in the gift department and because I acknowledge this about myself I let everyone off the hook. I say I don’t like surprises and that is true. I do make a few exceptions. I don’t have a good poker face and I would much rather tell someone what I want than have them see the look on my face when I open the gift I can’t use. When I realized this about myself I stopped caring about particular over-hyped holidays that made me act weird [Valentine’s Day]. It shouldn’t be a chore for anyone involved.

So, give men a break. As I always say, if you are participating in this holiday have a blast, but go a little further and reach out and give men a little support. Tell them what you want. It could make everyone happy in the end.

PS: All of this is why I wrote off Valentine’s Day, but this morning I was listening to the radio and I heard an ad for chocolate covered strawberries. On second thought…

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